Existence of Movie “Battleship” is largest source of Sustenance to Hipsters since “Transformers”

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The movie Battleship, which area hipster Chip Dingle proclaimed/snorted in a high pitched voice ” is a real thing if you can believe that”, is viewed by experts as being able to provide unemployed and aging hipsters enough fodder to justify their existence for at least another year.

The inclusion of Rhianna, the source material of a simple board game, and the similarity to every horrible big budget movie ever made are cited as reasons that this movie will make self proclaimed PhD candidates feel better about themselves.

Many bars in areas dubbed as “new bohemian” have threatened to expell patrons who make jokes about “when can we expect a hungry hungry hippos movie”, as the joke was only sort of funny the first thousand times.

Man who professes to Love Aretha Franklin can name one Aretha Franklin Song

Chip Dingle, a graduate student and assistant manager at Del Taco, told an assortment of friends and strangers how much he loved the work of Aretha Franklin. When asked what his top five favorite songs were he muttered something indecipherable about the “blues brother scene” and “respect”. He immediately answered his phone that had not rung and promptly left the room.

Women Obsessed With Latino Men Has A Lot of Horrible Vacation Ideas

Jenny Goldstein, a women in her early thirties and employed at Del Taco, attempted to convince several of her friends to travel to Mexico City with her.

Goldstein emphasized the chance to experience an ancient culture, purchase native art, and meet dozens of “Benico Del Toro Esque men” as the selling points of the trip. Goldstein did not mention the frequent murders of innocent people associated with the drug trade or the almost certainty of one or more of the travelers being kidnapped and held for ransom.

Goldstein also expressed an interest in traveling to Columbia, Cuba, and the North West side of Chicago.

Rapist Inspired By Poster in Victims Room

Listening to “What it takes ” Sends Joe Perry into rage

While travelling with his wife and young son, Joe Perry, the lead guitarist of Aerosmith, became infuriated while listening to the 1989 hit Aerosmith song “What it Takes”. His eyes narrowed shortly after lead singer Steven Tyler screamed “guitar” two minutes and fifty-nine seconds into the song.

Joe Perry was heard muttering “I never scream “sing” goddammit”.